Be your own super hero

I know what you’re thinking Super heroes aren’t real.  My kids tell me that all the time.  They used to believe in Batman & Superman but now they know it’s only an actor on screen & such things aren’t real.  So when I say be your own superhero am I asking you to believe in a person pretending to be something they’re not?…Well, kind of.

One way super heroes become real is when people believe in them.  One reason why so many people flock to see the latest Superhero movie is because they want to be part of the fantasy that a person/superhero has the power to succeed & beat the odds, saves lives & save the day. It’s the Disney ‘feel-good’ factor many (secretly) hope would happen in their life.

Just like the writers at Marvel & DC Comics who had the imagination & vision to create Superman, Spiderman & Batman then write them into life, we too are just as capable of imagining what our own futures could be & creating our own ‘feel-good’ factors in our own lives.

Self made millionaire, David Geffen said “we are all a figment of our own imagination.”  Put simply:- we can be whoever our imagination can create.  At one time in our life, consciously or subconsciously we decided to be the person we are today.

We are the ones who are responsible for setting our goals & achieving the leap of faith to take our own aspirations seriously. When we op for  Business Studies over our passion for the Sciences, job A because job B paid less or marry Mr Sensible instead of Mr Irresponsible to prevent the break out of World War 3 in the family we betray our true selves.  In truth, what we go for in life usually stems from how we see ourselves & what we believe we can achieve, which in reality is different from what we really are & what we can actually achieve.

People who have succeeded in life whether financially or spiritually all started with the same basic tool kit.  They didn’t have two heads to help them think better or extra arms and legs to work & run faster.  We’re all born with the seeds we need to succeed.  We all have our own supply of super powers – a vision for our future & a small belief we can do it that we need to nurture.

We all have a superhero inside us & it’s with us all the time. Unfortunately most people actively choose to ignore theirs:- I was coaching a lady who had achieved so much in her life, but now she was going through a terrible divorce, facing eviction & in debt.  When she talked about her past achievements & where she was now, it was as if she was talking about two different people.  She had a hundred & one excuses as to why the person she was in the past was no longer the person she was now.   She accepted that her past & present self had the same name, but she refused to accept she was just as capable as the person she was twenty years ago. That person in her past was only dead because her belief in herself was at rock bottom… dead too. All she needed was to believe in an older wiser version of herself.  She needed to focus on a new dream for her future & believe with the help of her super powers she could achieve it.

Just because you don’t use or acknowledge your superpowers doesn’t mean you don’t have them. We’re born with them & only WE can choose whether to use them or not.

Think back & ask yourself was there a time you saw a flash of your superhero.  One time where you did something so amazing you shocked yourself.  Many people get flashes of their greatness – their super powers, but because they do not believe in themselves they put it down to luck or a fluke.  It’s up to us to find the tools to live up to the person we want to be & believe we have the power to shape our own destiny.

For every superhero story there’s always a villain.  So who’s the villain in our story?

Ourselves!  Usually accompanied by the fiendish twosome Modern Media & Popular Culture. Wherever there is self-doubt & uncertainty, feelings of wanting more or despair – negative thought patterns & the fiendish twosome are usually at the bottom of it.

Popular media & modern culture feeds your fears for the future & leads most of us to no real interest outside of being faithful consumers and buying our next feel good purchase.  Nothing short of Kryptonite to your dreams it subconsciously limits you into believing you are not enough without superficial accessories & the attitude of judging yourselves by other people’s standards.  Your superhero is waiting inside you for you to break free & be the person you truly know you can be.  So take up the challenge & go past your fears, beat the odds & save the day.

Choose to live up to a personal commitment to living a truly amazing life where you’re the super hero of your own life & don’t believe the myth that superheroes are just for kids.

You can’t hate yourself happy

Even though it’s an obvious statement, I wonder how many of us are fuelled by some kind of hate or jealousy towards others.       It hit me lately that most of the people I come into contact with (even outside therapy sessions) spend a lot of time talking negatively about other people.  They usually quip or say something amusing about someone else’s mannerisms or way of life, which to a certain point is ok, but there seems to be a lot of people who constantly throw out negative comments without even noticing they’re doing it.  

What does it say about you if you’re only happy when you’re being sarcastic or coming up with classic put downs?

I know many see it as a bit of light entertainment that’s a bit of a laugh, but really… what need in your life is not being met & how truly happy are you if this is the true you? 

Superficially hating on others, being fuelled by negativity & drama, making it the focus of your day & making it the constant topic of your conversations is not harmless fun, especially when it’s your nature. It’s kind of shallow & bitter really. If you are the kind of person who is always first to put in your sarcastic ‘two pennies’ worth or giggle at funny but negative comments step back & ask yourself why. Your words are a mirror of what you are thinking & who you are, so unless you’re putting on a front, face it honey…you’re actually not a nice person.

Be the guardian of your thoughts & make sure they are reflecting your true authentic self.      You may have a god given talent for classic put downs & condescending witty comments but I challenge you to step up your game & say something elevating or productive…or not say anything at all.

Don’t be so ready to air your lowest form of wit by taking cheap shots at every opportunity or allowing yourself to be used as a 

court jester to entertain the crowd when you actually have the  intelligence to say something constructive & wow the crowd instead.     You can’t hate yourself happy.  

From Jessica Ortner’s Inspiration Wall at Jessica-Ortner.com.

If you have any comments about the blog above or would like to discus how hypnotherapy or life coaching can help you leave a comment below. You can find more details on my home page.

Finding one’s passion. The Holy Grail to a happy & fulfilled life, or is it?

I heard a very interesting talk by Carl Newport* about how the mantra of “Find your passion, make a living doing it & success will follow” is fundamentally flawed.  He gave the example of Steve Jobs. Newport said if you look through Steve Jobs’ life computers wasn’t his first choice as a career & certainly wasn’t a passion. By good fortune he stumbled into it & saw an opportunity to make money.

A lot of people get stuck in this “finding their passion” phase in life & end up feeling lost constantly echoing the words “I don’t know what I want in life”. They end up drifting from job to job or spend many hours strategically picking the perfect job that will pay well but not provide true happiness or fulfilment.

Some people know what they want early in life & some don’t. The ones that do are celebrated & seen as focused whereas the latter are made to feel like slackers or that there’s something wrong with them.  They’re told to grow up & that life isn’t about being happy, it’s about the car, the house, the holidays, the family & once you’ve achieved all that, leaving gracefully.

This now cliché  phrase of sending people off to go find their passion can be no more than sending someone on a wild goose chase & is particularly hard on those who do not find it in a “reasonable” time frame. Frequently offered up as sage advice to everyone as a solution to what they should do in life has left many feeling lost & disappointed in themselves because they don’t have a “passion” for something.

I have a selection of my favourite sayings on my promotional postcards that I give out at speaking engagements & events. One card says. ‘Self is not something one finds. It is something one creates’ – Thomas Szasz 1920.  I believe the same can be said of passion.

There’s a whole world of infinite people to meet, destinations to explore & possibilities to experience & from all that the clock is ticking for you to pick your career, that one thing you are destined to do for the rest of your life …. No pressure then.

How do you know you have a passion for scuba diving or making jewellery from tree bark if you, chance & opportunity didn’t all meet in the same place at a destined moment in time? ….the short answer is….. you don’t!  Every day by the way we live each day & approach life we are creating bits of ourselves. From each new experience we are creating passions or discovering things we dislike.  It’s only by trying new things can we expose ourselves to finding more passions or THE passion. Your passion could be right under your nose or way out in the great blue yonder.  It’s only when your passion has come into being from your experiences can you find it. Purposely looking for it or forcing yourself to find it can leave you like a dog chasing its own tail.

Carl Newport’s talk focused on finding something about the job you’re doing now (or choose as your career) & owning it. How one should strive to be the “go to” guy at their job or as he puts it “Be so good they can’t ignore you” as the way to success not trying to find your passion. I take his advice as the perfect backup plan.

In this modern world with so much choice it can be very overwhelming to be told pick one profession by next Thursday & love it for the rest of your life or else you’re a failure.

Many of us fall victim to this & are unfortunate enough to be in jobs we don’t like but  cannot put caution to the wind & just quit. Turning not knowing what your passion in life is into a burden you wearily carry around with you or use as an excuse for inaction is not the only alternative to having a passion in life.

Carl Newport’s advice can be used as a steady & reliable map to follow if your are still on that noble quest of finding your passion (AKA finding what truly makes you happy).  Carl Newport’s advice can also be a route away from the deep anxiety people who say they have no passion in life sometimes feel.  Sometimes it’s better to focus on what you can control than to keep getting depressed over what you can’t. Who knows your passion could be in the place where you least expect it, the very job you’re doing now if your gave it more of a chance and like Carl Newport says in his talk a passion may develop

If you’re not doing the things you’re passionate about making a pilgrimage to go find it may not be the right solution, but at the same time I would never recommend a life devoid of passion just because it paid well. The main point I disagree with Carl Newport’s talk is his acceptance of a career (which could span a lifetime) without passion & that somehow the harder you ignore being unfulfilled & focus on upgrading your skills & the chances of success then a passion will follow, not surprisingly as a life coach I believe to be wrong.

Success can be measured many ways, the road to monetary riches & wealth is what many people long for but unfortunately it’s not a prerequisite for developing passions or even or being truly happy.    Imagine a lifelong career without passion or a love for what you’re doing or achieving in life – doesn’t sound good but I suspect is how many people now live their lives without even realising it as they buy more & more consumables confused as to why they’re not happy.

I have no proven facts on this so don’t as for the statistics, but I really believe there are more people who have walked away from the high paying job & corporate rat race because of lack of passion than have stayed. Some have followed their passion & made fortunes while others have lost fortunes but still wouldn’t give up the joy of a passion for life no matter how much you offered.

Passion like most human emotions does not belong in the box marked one size fits all which can sometimes make it really hard to come by.  In a consumer lead society such as ours where money equal status & is worshipped and anything that cannot be brought or acquired easily is marginalised as non essential or too much effort passion might seem worthless, but to purposely condition ourselves for a life without a unique passion that truly makes us feel alive for the sake of finding a career quickly, convenience & keeping up with the Jones is not a life truly lived.  Passion is such a special part of life, it enriches the journey from cradle to grave & makes life worth living.

Doing the 9 to 5 waiting for your passion.

You must still participate in life to the full.

My advice on finding your passion, like Carl Newport is not to waste time looking for it, but unlike Mr Newport I suggest you live life to the full & go for things that will give you as many experiences as possible. Concentrate more on living a life that makes you smile & always try to follow your heart when it comes to new things not the money. You’ll find its form these experiences that passions are formed & not from doubling down on upgrading skills. If passion is not in the job you are doing now follow Carl Newport’s plan, but not  because you can force a passion to show up with determination & hard work but because you should still put effort into your life. A period of not knowing your passion is common for  many people but should not let it make you drift in life until  you unable to function properly as you wait for it to show up.

Never settle because passion hasn’t  shown up yet & don’t live your life in the slow lane waiting for it. You only have one life, don’t let decades of it pass you by.

As for Steve Jobs, I believe somewhere between taking advantage of an opportunity & making money he found his passion, a passion he used to innovate a whole industry. That was Steve Jobs’ route to his passion & not a blueprint for others finding theirs.

So don’t get hung up on finding your passion. Experience life to the full & follow your heart & your passion will, no doubt, find you.

* ‘follow your passion’ is wrong Cal Newport speaks at World Domination Summit 2012

If you have any comments about the blog above or would like to discus how hypnotherapy or life coaching can help you leave a comment below. You can find more details on my home page.

Tea & Sympathy Vs Life Coaching

When I tell people I’m a Life Coach a lot of them are unsure of what I do. Some believe it’s a ‘new-age’ made up profession that sounds good on paper but of no real practical use.  They see life coaching as solving the kinds of issues nothing more than a cup of tea & a chat with a good friend could get to the bottom of.  I won’t deny tea, sympathy & good friends always helps every situation & no doubt will always be a good start but life coaching is a little more.  It guides you from advice to execution, in other words from a nice chat  to actually making changes.

Most of the advice around today is probably something you’ve heard already, new news is pretty thin on the ground these days.  So with so much recycled advice a lot of people have had their fill of advice. They’re so sure they’ve heard it before & it wouldn’t work for them that they tend to switch off mentally when they hear it coming. Even if its good advice, eyes glaze over & the “no sh*t Sherlock!” look creeps over their face as they say the words “I know that’s what I need to do, but….”

I know you say you’ve heard it before & you’ve tried it before; but have you really?

Suppose the radio’s on & you’re getting ready for work, then your favourite song comes on.  What do you start doing that you weren’t doing before? Listening.  People only take notice when they hear something they like the sound of or when it has some sort of emotional effect on them, everything else is just background noise that gets you through the day. I bet there’s lots of advice you’ve heard out there that you know you should do but don’t.  If the advice is something that doesn’t interest you or something that doesn’t stir you into action then your attitude to follow through seriously will be lacking, & if it’s something you’ve tried before, then you’ll be convinced there’s no point in trying again; case closed.

I bet there’s been times when you’ve taken on advice convinced it wouldn’t work & surprise surprise it didn’t; well that’s the definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you’ve taken on advice with all guns blazing full of enthusiasm & it did work for a while, but all the excitement for the project fizzled away in the reality of doing it leaving you deflated without the will to carry on.

As humans beings it’s our natural response to walk along the path of least resistance, to naturally go back to what we are comfortable with, to what we know & are familiar with.  It’s because of this that changing habits & following through on advice that makes us think or behave differently can be harder than many people realise.

Based on experiments where they got astronauts to wear goggles that tricked the brain into experiencing feelings of zero gravity they discovered it took between 21 & 40 days of continuous repetition of a behavior or a new habit for it to become permanent.

The last time you followed through on some advice from a friend or tried to form a new habit like a diet or going to the gym regularly etc.. did you even make it to 30 consecutive days?  Can you honestly say that you’ve had that level of commitment when you decided something didn’t work for you? Or did you try it til the pain of being outside your comfort zone was too inconvenient to bare any longer? A lot of people are guilty of this. They follow through & give it a go but without the commitment to get up to at least 30 consecutive days.  That’s 30 days without missing a single one & if you did, to start again until you got to there before declaring it didn’t work for you.

As life coaches we do the chat over a cup of tea but we also work with clients to break the low commitment cycle of always trying but never breaking through to achievement.  We ask the kind of questions to see if what you say you want is something you actually want to follow through on & then we work with you to do just that. So don’t be fooled by the life coach’s love of tea & biscuits (I forgot to say we like biscuits too). It’s the questions during the chat make all the difference.

 

 

Here are my 5 tips for following through on advice or adopting new habits.

1. Give serious thought as to what this advice or new behavior will give you. Ask yourself questions like: Is it something I really want? How much do I want it? What am I willing to give up if I need to? Is it worth the pain of change? etc.

2. Visualise it. Put up a picture of the thing you want to achieve somewhere you can see it everyday. A better looking body, more money, material things to make life more enjoyable.

3. Surround yourself with people who will encourage and believe in you. It’s so motivating to have someone say “well done” when you’ve done well or to encourage you when you’re on a downer.

4. Keep on track & appreciate the struggle. Mark off how many days you’ve been successful with the new habit & feel good on how well you’re doing.

5.  Stay committed.  Put this new behaviour in your mind as a must & have the attitude nothing’s going to stop you. When obstacles get in the way think of ways round it. Find a way to carry on not an excuse to stop.

 

REMEMBER: Have patience with your progression if it’s not going as well as you want it to. You’re outside your comfort zone and you’re doing something that doesn’t come naturally yet.  Give yourself  permission  to fail & enjoy the process of doing something new that you know will be good for you in the long run. Get jiggy with it & have fun!

 

If you have any issues or would like to discus how hypnotherapy or life coaching can help you either leave a comment below or call me direct. You can find more details on my home page.

What’s stopping you from being great?

Be honest with yourself now. Stand in front of the mirror & look deep into your own eyes & ask yourself what’s stopping you from being great. You have the same 24hrs Richard Branson has and the same 24hrs as any beggar on the street. You may even have the advantage of being in good enough health and able to move around without assistance, be able to read this article on your own without help….so tell me what’s stopping you from being great?

What’s your excuse for not working on yourself, getting to know what you want from life, where you want to be in 6 months, a year or five years from now? What are you doing to shape your future, put yourself in a better position to help yourself, your children or to bring peace to your life.

Some people because they weren’t born with the kind of things that make life easy for them they slowly give up with each knockback and then before you know it all the things in life that take a lot of effort become excuses or reasons. So what’s your reason? Most people think money is the key, the one missing ingredient to a life of happiness. If only they had some rich old uncle that would pop his clogs and leave them a fortune or if their lucky numbers could just come up on the lottery.

Did you know that 95% of people who come into a sudden wind fall such as wining the lottery or inheriting money are back in the same position or worse within 3 years of getting the money. Just because you are broke having money is not the be all and end all, it’s only part of the puzzle. Once you’ve got the money in your sweaty little hands….. what then? Are you going to keep drinking fine wine & foreign beers? eat rich food at fancy restaurants every night? or endless spending on things you don’t need & that won’t make you (really) happy like £1,000+ outfits, trainers, shoes?….I mean a girl can’t have enough shoes?

Just because you feel you don’t have the resources or you’re waiting on your big break don’t use it as an excuse for doing nothing. You’ve got the best resources a man could have, two arms & legs & a brain. It’s all Alan Sugar & Donald Trump had when they first started on the road to success. The money, cars & holidays in the sun all came after.

You’ve got to invest time & effort into your own future, you’re the only one who can do it. You’ve got to ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself homie‘ & keep on top of your vices, keep focused on the prize & always be moving, growing & working towards a better you. Working towards a better you gives you a buzz of energy that makes you feel so much better with each victory. And that my friend is the key ingredient to a better life; feeling good & taking pleasure from the little things in life. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “the best things in life are free” I know it’s had some bad press as being a big fat lie in our consumer lead economy but it’s still as true as ever. A wiser you is the best defense against anything life can throw at you & it’s also the building blocks to a better, more amazing you.

The famous quote is “money is the root to all evil” but the original quote was “The love of money is the root to all evil” Money should not be the final destination, it should be your means to an end, something you use to help you get to your dream. If you were to get that big break or windfall tomorrow how would you maximize it and make it be the start to something that would last a lifetime. You need to work on yourself from now. Learn about yourself, put the work in now. Work towards being a better stronger person, work towards a dream, a better happier future. Make yourself the kind of person where opportunities come knocking, the kind of person people want on their team, the kind of person money would come to….Know thyself.

Think of where you are right now & where you want to be, think about what’s stopping you from moving forwards & what you can do to move yourself a little closer to your goal each day. Have faith & the rest will fall into place. So I ask again, what’s stopping you from being great?

If you have any issues or would like to discus how hypnotherapy or life coaching can help you discover the blocks in your life either leave a comment below or call me direct. You can find more details on my home page.